ENM, Swinging and Polyamory Terms: A Plain-English Guide

Opening a dating profile or joining a lifestyle conversation can feel like learning a new language. Someone mentions ENM, another describes a nesting partner, and an event listing says “social only.” What do those words actually mean?

This guide explains common terms you may encounter in conversations about swinging, polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. You do not need to memorize them all. Start with the ones that help you explain what you want and understand what someone else means.

Definitions vary between people and communities. A useful follow-up is always: “What does that look like for you?”

Relationship styles: start with the basics

Monogamy A relationship agreement involving romantic and sexual exclusivity between two partners. People still need to discuss what exclusivity means to them.

CNM: consensual non-monogamy An umbrella term for relationship arrangements that allow romantic or sexual connections with multiple people, with the knowledge and agreement of everyone involved.

ENM: ethical non-monogamy A widely used term that overlaps with CNM and emphasizes consent, honesty and consideration. The label describes an intention; someone's behavior shows whether they follow through.

Open relationship A relationship in which partners agree that connections with other people are possible. Some use it specifically for sexual openness, while others use it more broadly. Ask about the actual agreement.

Polyamory Having, or being open to, multiple romantic relationships with everyone's knowledge and consent. Partners do not all have to date one another.

Swinging Consensual sexual experiences involving people outside an established couple, often explored together or in social settings. Each participant has their own preferences and limits.

These categories can overlap. The APA Division 44 fact sheet on consensual non-monogamy provides background on the distinctions. For a closer look, read our guide to ENM meaning in dating.

Monogamish An informal term for a mostly monogamous relationship with agreed exceptions. Those exceptions differ from one relationship to another. Curious Fox's glossary includes this and other community terms.

Lifestyle words you may see in profiles and event listings

The lifestyle or LS In a swinging context, this often refers to the swinging community and its social activities. Outside that context, “lifestyle” is a broad word, so avoid assuming someone means swinging.

Soft swap Commonly describes sexual contact with other partners without penetrative intercourse. People use the term differently, so discuss specific activities rather than relying on the label.

Full swap Commonly describes swinging that may include intercourse with other partners. It never means that every activity, person or situation is automatically welcome.

Play or play party “Play” can refer to consensual intimate or sexual activity. A play party is a gathering where that activity may be permitted. Attending does not obligate anyone to participate, and each venue sets its own rules.

Unicorn Slang often used for a bisexual woman interested in connecting with a couple. Some people use it for themselves; others find it objectifying. Being bisexual does not imply interest in couples. Ask how someone describes themselves and respect their individual choices.

For examples of common usage, see this lifestyle terminology guide. Our introduction to the swinger lifestyle offers broader context.

When an event says “social only” or “meet-and-greet,” read the organizer's description. Ask whether it is simply a chance to talk and meet people, what behavior is permitted, and whether a separate event follows. A name alone cannot answer those questions.

Polyamory terms: people and connections

Metamour Your partner's other partner, with whom you are not directly romantically involved. Metamours may be friends, acquaintances or people who rarely interact.

Polycule A network of connected relationships. Everyone in the network is not necessarily dating everyone else.

Nesting partner A partner you live with. The term describes a shared home rather than automatically identifying someone's most important relationship.

Solo polyamory An approach that emphasizes personal independence, often without combining homes or finances with a partner. It can include serious, lasting relationships.

Primary partner and hierarchy “Primary” commonly describes a partner given particular priority in a hierarchical arrangement. Non-hierarchical approaches avoid automatically ranking relationships. Practical responsibilities can still differ, so ask what the labels mean for time and decision-making.

Kitchen-table and parallel polyamory Kitchen-table polyamory involves social connection among partners and metamours. Parallel polyamory keeps those relationships more separate. Neither label requires people to become friends or to accept a level of contact they do not want.

The Ready for Polyamory glossary provides more detail on these terms.

V or vee, and hinge A V is a configuration where one person has two partners who are not dating each other. The shared partner is the hinge.

Triad or throuple A relationship involving three people who are all romantically connected with one another. Each connection deserves attention; nobody has to feel exactly the same way about both partners.

The University of Wisconsin–Madison's Polyamory 101 explains common relationship configurations. These words describe connections, not a checklist that people have to fit.

Feelings and relationship experiences

Compersion Feeling happy about a partner's happiness with someone else. It can coexist with jealousy, and nobody has to experience it to prove they are doing non-monogamy correctly.

NRE: new relationship energy The excitement and intense focus that can come with a new connection. Enjoying it does not remove existing commitments or the need to check in with other partners.

Polyfidelity An agreement to keep romantic or sexual connections within an existing group. Being polyamorous does not necessarily mean being open to additional partners.

These terms are explored in the Curious Fox non-monogamy glossary.

The most useful words are the ones that make expectations clear

Consent A freely chosen, informed agreement to a specific activity. It can be withdrawn at any time. A relationship label, a previous yes or arriving at an event does not establish consent for what happens next. Planned Parenthood's consent guide explains these principles.

Boundary A limit concerning your own participation, body, time or privacy. For example: “I do not want my photo shared.” State the limit clearly and respect another person's right to do the same.

Relationship agreement An understanding people make together about their relationship. It might cover time, privacy, communication or sexual-health precautions. Agreements need enough detail for everyone to understand them and a way to raise concerns or request changes.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom's CNM guidance emphasizes informed choices, shared understanding and freedom from pressure. Our guide to healthy boundaries before meeting new people offers practical conversation starters.

Turn the glossary into a conversation

You can understand every abbreviation on a profile and still want different things. Before making plans, try asking:

• “What kind of connection are you hoping to make?”
• “When you use that term, what does it mean in practice?”
• “What is a clear yes, no or maybe for you?”
• “What should we discuss about privacy and sexual health before anything intimate?”
• “How will we check in or pause if someone becomes uncomfortable?”

A “maybe” leaves room for discussion. It is not permission. Nobody owes participation because they are curious, attended an event or used a particular label.

Use these terms to make conversation easier, and leave room for people to explain themselves. Clear expectations, individual choice and respect matter more than having the perfect vocabulary.

Explore the Couples2Play Journal for more articles about communication, boundaries and making connections at your own pace.

For adults 18+. This glossary is educational. Community language changes, and individual definitions may differ.